I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
