Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
