I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
