I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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