The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
