I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
