Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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