Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
