There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
