i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
