This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
