My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
