foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
