when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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