I could make wine with my vomit
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
