I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
