I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Randomize
