No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
