and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
