Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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