VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
