Kiss
Puke
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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