I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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