I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
