I like to think it a success when the cops are called
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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