i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
