That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
