I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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