Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
