he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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