i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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