Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
