Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
