and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
