seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
