I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
