The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
