I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize