I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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