May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
