it was like his penis was on wheels.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
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Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
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A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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