weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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