Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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