Will you blow on my dice?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
