I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
