Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize