I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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