It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
