I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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