she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
last night I used snow as a chaser
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
