i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
