Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
