I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
