and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
