First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
