And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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