What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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