So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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