Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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