My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
