Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
