I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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