At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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