I think my vagina is haunted
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
