Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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