I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
