party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
