He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
