I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
how drunk are you?
Several
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
