So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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