Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
