Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
