he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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