umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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