I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
