I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
