she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
